paulrobertson
From St Silas, Glasgow
15 July 2008 - 8:00am
Wrote this for an outreach service in Glasgow this summer, but would like to use it as a congregational song. Would appreciate feedback on the lyrics - particularly the chorus - which I'm not sure has the right emphasis for congregational worship.
Songs was originally titled Saviour
We all need a saviour,
We all need saving from something.
We all need a healer,
We are all wounded inside.
And there’s only one I know that’s true enough,
That’s good enough.
Chorus
Jesus, Son of God, you take away my sin.
Jesus, Son of Man, you help me to
Begin to see there’s something greater
Begin to change me to someone better than before.
Verse 2
We all need a God
Who knows what it’s like to be human.
We all need a God
Who suffered and died, and rose again.
And there’s only one I know that’s true enough,
That’s good enough.
Cheers for any comments,
Paul
PS Sorry recording not great - need to work on recording skills!
matt osgood
From St. Stephen's
15 July 2008 - 8:40am
Hi Paul, good start with this song, good to have the focus on Jesus as the answer to our questions. I think your concern about the chorus lyrics not being congregational is justified, mainly because you've switched from 'we' in the verse to 'I' and 'my' in the pre-chorus and chorus, which obviously gives it a more personal, testimony-like feel. If you tweaked the pre-chorus to be just:
And there's only one that's true enough (maybe straight into chorus after just that line, would make it more punchy and immediate)
And then changed the chorus to:
Jesus, Son of God, you take away our sin
Jesus Son of Man, you help us to begin... etc etc
Hope that helps, keep working on it.
God bless,
Matt
www.RESOUNDworship.org
Free New Worship Songs
Hey man,
I really like the thought behind this song, especially the 2nd verse.
I agree with what you're saying about the chorus, it kinda seems that the chorus should be part of another song, my advice (not that i know much!!) would be to completely rethink the chorus. when i listen to it, i can imagine the pre chorus, with a melody that rises, which would then lead into a bigger, stronger chorus. I like the lyrical idea you have in the chorus, but i think it needs rethinking. I think with work on the chorus this could be a really good song :)
Hope that helps in some way!
God bless,
Gaz
Guys, thanks for such a quick response and helpful comments.
Matt, the idea of the I to we switch is a good one. As for the pre-chorus - there is a trend, I think, for people to be more interested now whether their spirituality/philosophy "works" rather than primarily whether it is true. Using true and good separately was deliberately trying to capture the idea that in Jesus we have an answer that is both. Just need to keep that idea in a punchier pre-chorus in first person plural. No problem. :)
Gaz, there's too much I like about the chorus to get rid of it completely! It's the last two lines that are the weakest. I'll have another bash at them.
Many thanks,
Paul
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