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The Lord our God

Started by NickT-R on 22 August 2008 - 11:48am

22 August 2008 - 11:48am

This is my first attempt at writing a song. I haven't got an audio clip as I haven't thought to make one yet and my voice is shot having just got back from Soul Survivor. I've run this by some people in my church to see what they think and I was just hoping to get a wider view on firstly how the lyrics are, later the tune as well once I record it.

I would describe it as a general song of praise and celebration based around the crucifixion and ressurection. Like I said I've already run it past a few people so it this isn't the original version as it's slightly more accurate on the theology side.

Let me know what you think no matter your thoughts are, again it's my first attempt at writing a song and I could do with all the help and criticism available

Verse 1
The Lord our God, awesome in strength
He gives us power to move the mountains
He took the cross, climbed Calvary
To take away the sins from you and me

Pre-Chorus:
Without You I would be lost in the world
Creation cries out Your name

Chorus:
We celebrate the day You died on the cross
For taking away all the shame
We celebrate the day You rose from the grave
That we might live every day, for eternity

Verse 2:
As the darkness covered the land
God our Father took his Son into his hands
In the temple the curtain tore
To be replaced by our God’s new law

Bridge:
You are who was and is and is to come Jesus
We long for Your touch
22 August 2008 - 12:35pm

hi there nick,

thanks for sharing this and being brave considering its your first ever song!

for me its a good start and has potential. this topic is good and there are some good lines ini it.

a few things that you could improve the song on would be to change this line, 'God our Father took his Son into his hands'. im not sure what you mean by that? i thought the father was separated from the son for a moment in eternity when Jesus died on the cross. im not sure if thats theologically correct.

you also change tense from he to you throughout the song a lot, it would be better if the whole song was to 'he' or to 'you'.

this line, 'He gives us power to move the mountains' is good but it doesnt relate to the rest of the song at all.

this line is confusing, 'That we might live every day, for eternity' it kinda suggests youre saying we are living everyday on earth forever. are you saying we live for our hope in heaven?

the pre chorus doesnt seem to relate to the overall topic, 'Without You I would be lost in the world, Creation cries out Your name'. if you said something like this it would make the lyrics more logical: 'without your death we would be lost in our sin, forgiven we cry out your praise,'.

dont be discouraged its way better than my first ever song!

God bless,
gav.
25 August 2008 - 9:08am

Hey Nick

Thanks for posting! Think Gav has pointed out some good things there. one thing that lept out at me that could be potentially confusing to some is ....

"To take away the sins from you and me
Pre-Chorus:
Without You I would be lost in the world"

in the last line of verse 1 you are saying "you" in the context of the congregation
then the next line you are using "you" in the context of God

Some people might think we are saying that with out them we would be lost in the world! (suppose that's kind of true to some degree) :)

blessings

Chris.
26 August 2008 - 11:06am

Nick T-R!!

Alright mate, how's it going?

Good work on this - when are we gonna get to hear it?