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Show your might (revised)
4 replies
Gravatar for elikem christiantamaklo elikem christia... From Frontline Church Liverpool
28 June 2010 - 8:54pm

Hey all, tried to add this to the last post but it seems like it only allows one mp3. I reworked some of the lyrics and changed a few chords but please let me know what you think. The last post is titled the same.

Thanks

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Gravatar for Marc Proctor Marc Proctor From New Hope Church
#1
7 July 2010 - 7:45pm

Hey Elikem!

Could you maybe post the revised lyrics? It helps a ton with giving helpful suggestions. Thanks!!

http://quiescentdetonation.blogspot.com/ (blog)
http://www.purevolume.com/marcproctor (music)

Gravatar for elikem christiantamaklo elikem christia... From Frontline Church Liverpool
#2
10 July 2010 - 9:54pm

Hey Marc,

Here are the lyrics, as I was writing them noticed that in the first verse I use us and in the chorus I use me so I'll have to rethink that. Your suggestions are very welcome!
Thanks

Verse 1
Tired and worn out
caught by the fallout of our pain
You ask us to come out
and you'll heal us once again

Chorus
you tell me to take your hand
for you are gentle and humble in heart
your yoke is easy and your burden is light
in my weakness
show your might

Verse 2
Walk and listen
see the unforced rhythms of your grace
there is nothing that compares
to live freely in your grace

I have heard you
and I have answered
hands stretched and face lifted up
I let go of these familiar weights
and rise upwards through those pearly gates

Gravatar for Marc Proctor Marc Proctor From New Hope Church
#3
13 July 2010 - 6:42pm

Its a nice song!

A nice theme, I like alot of what you have going on here. I had a few thoughts that may help to make it even better. Take what you want. :)

I'm not totally sure what pain's fallout would be. It seems pain is itself the fallout of sin, but I think pain is the result of an action, isn't it actually the fallout? Maybe I'm off... perhaps a different word substituted for fallout would work? Or maybe I'm just slow! :)

I think verse 2 could use some work. It is a nice phrase, but I think it is rhythmically off on the 2nd line. I think it would develop more if you could use a different word than grace to rhyme with on the 2 and 4th lines as well.

Thats all I noticed, hopefully helpful! Its a nice song, do keep up the good work!

http://quiescentdetonation.blogspot.com/ (blog)
http://www.purevolume.com/marcproctor (music)

Gravatar for elikem christiantamaklo elikem christia... From Frontline Church Liverpool
#4
17 July 2010 - 10:55am

Hey marc, thanks for taking time to listen and comment. I hear you! i think i really liked the word fallout at the time and was determined to keep it in. will keep working on it!

thanks again.