dansheed
From Shore Vineyards
17 March 2010 - 2:44am
Hey everyone, I have enjoyed looking through other peoples songs and have decided perhaps it's time to share one of mine - this is my latest effort :) It's based out of Romans 5 & 6 from The Message translation, and also Revelation 5.
I'm looking for feedback on whether you think it works congregationally - I know that's hard to do from just a rough Garageband demo, but I'm looking for lyrical working rather than the quick music style I dumped on it.
Lyrics:
My old nature was death,
My new one is life
Thanks to your agressive forgiveness
My old-self was crucified
My old nature is gone,
My new one has come
'Cause when it's sin-vs-grace
Grace wins, hands down.
So I'm gonna sing - sing my heart out!
As I stand in awe of this:
That you my Creator
Restored my brokeness
You're the Redeemer
And You are worthy
Blessing and honour
Glory and power
Belong to You
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RichardkWard
From unknown
17 March 2010 - 12:39pm
Hey man!
really like it, its got a good structure and feel.. its good how you gradually progress throughout the song, and the arrangement is well thought through in terms of 'sunday morning' use..
i also really like some of your phrasing, such as the sin vs grace line i think is very powerful..
i was wondering if you could explain what you mean by 'aggressive forgiveness'? it stands out to me as sounding slightly odd, and it would be helpful for me to explain what you might mean by that :)
great song though! keep it up!
Rich
Hey Dan.
I like a lot of this so keep going with it. Solid very singable chorus. There's a real freshness to it lyrically which may very well be guided from your use of The Message but don't have one here to check this out. I really liked "sin vs grace, Grace wins hands down" - for some reason the image of Jesus' "Hands OUT" also came to my mind which could work in there some way!?
One or two thoughts. For me the last line of the chorus would be better going up rather than dropping down. Going down takes some of the power out for me. Similar to Rich the aGGressive forgiveness didn't quite work for me since there are often so many negative connotations with that word. Finally, I think that equalising the syllable counts on lines 3 & 7 and 4 & 8 might make it easier to sing.
But well done. A good song on the way to being a great song! :-)
Mart
Thanks guys -
The "aggressive forgiveness" sadly is the phrase that the entire song was birthed out of! I say sadly, because my wife has already told me that she doesn't quite "get" that line, and I have an internal conflict of "I should change it" vs "But it was where the song came from!!!!"
Aggressive forgiveness for me is the fact that "The Word became Flesh", that the Father sent the rescue plan of Jesus to earth to show His mercy. For me "aggressive" is that the Fathers forgiveness wasn't just stagnant and waiting, but that it WENT, and punched into the fallen human climate and went to the cross - any other word suggestions for that?? I am so far coming up trumps but am looking forward to trying!
Suggestions? Help!
Keep the "aggressive forgiveness". We've got enough songs about some sort of emasculated God, all bunnies and cuddles. There are plenty of negative connotations in the word Father, due to the society we live in, but it shouldn't stop us using it.
Cambridge Dictionary has two meanings for aggressive, the first being behaving in a violent or angry way, the second being "determined to win or succeed and using forceful action to achieve victory or success". If thats not a perfect example of Gods love, and Christ's sacrifice the forceful action to achieve the victory, I don't know what is.
Thanks Pete - that's the exact "aggressive" I am thinking about in writing that lyric.
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