Hello Josh, This is an unusual song, almost Dylan-like. I like the linking themes in the verses and you have some arresting images. Just a few of suggestions if I may: 1) If you want this to be sung by a congregation, I suggest that you get rid of the long pauses between the lines. 2) Emotionally, I am not clear about how the journey is made from the melancholy of the verse to the joyful words of the chorus. I think that you should use the prechorus to do this, extending it by two lines. 3) I think you should work at making the chorus more distinctive. Give it a really strong hook. Good idea though - I think this could be really strong when you've honed it. God bless, Ian