Peter
From Chowdene Community Church
22 July 2008 - 3:02pm
Hi all
this is the first song that Ive managed to complete, (or atleast get to this point!) It basically speaks of Jesus as our hope. It was written to tie in with Hope 08 which has been around this year.
Appreciate any feedback :-)
Verse
So much darkness but you brought light forever more
You came down from heaven our hope is secure
Pre
We trust you we praise you, we bow the knee before you
Chorus
Jesus, Redeemer, the rock to which we cling (We cry)
Jesus, Redeemer, the everlasting king
Saviour, healer, you wash away our sin (We cry)
Saviour, healer, our hope in everything
Our hope in everything
Verse
God of goodness you make our path straight and true
You pour out your spirit our hope is renewed
Tag
Give us hope, give us peace give us hearts to recieve
you are hope, you are peace, you are the one who rescued me
Thanks for any input.
P
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Matt_Coombs
From St Mary's, Bryanston Square, London
22 July 2008 - 5:54pm
I think its a good song which very minor things can be done to make it better. I think lyrically it is really good and consistant in its theme except for the pre-chorus which does not seem to relate much to the rest of the song. I really think the chorus is very cool I'm not sure how but I think it just needs to be a little stronger. I can really imagine a congregation singing their hearts out during the chorus.
I like this song, but there are a few words and phrases I'd like to see changed around. The first thing I noticed before I even listened to the song was the phrase "We trust you we praise you, we bow the knee before you." Could you change "the knee" to "our knees" as what you have at the moment sounded a little strange. Also, in the chorus I love the phrase "Jesus, Redeemer, the everlasting king." But as you start this sentence by talking directly to Jesus, could you change "the everlasting king" to "my" or "our everlasting king." But I'm liking this song. Well done!
Thanks guys
Will look at the pre chorus wording.
I think im trying to say that Jesus brings us hope and so we trust, praise and eventually the only place to be is on our knees in awe of him.
As for the chorus Ive tried a few different things but am not sure where to take it.
P
Well done on your first completed effort! That's a huge accomplishment in and of itself...
I also think that the theme is a bit vague. I know you explained it but I think you need to get even more specific than that. Make about either hope or trusting Him, or praising him or bowing before HIm but to do all of those in a congregational worship song can make it sound like it's just packed full of generic worship phrases. I think yours song could really go to the next level of writing if you pick one of those themes and explore just one...
"There's no such thing as good song writing - only good song re-writing."
Jeff T.
blogsology.wordpress.com
Thanks Jeff
Is it mainly the pre chorus that needs reworking in your opinion?
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