petekitch
From Destiny Church (Edinburgh)
Hey ladies and gents,
A little acoustic number for you all... focusing on the holiness of Jesus.
I would love your honest feedback, as I feel it's nearly at the point of introducing it to the congregation.
ONE MOMENT:
One moment in time our God became man
And showed his love through his own son
The reconciler perfect and pure
Came from heaven above to rescue us
And he suffered there at the hands of our desire
The one sacrifice that could please our Holy God
Jesus Holy Jesus
Lived a righteous life to save us
Suffered at the cross to heal us
Died to make a way to the presence of our God
We praise his Holiness
We praise his name
We praise his humble heart
Our risen King
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Hey Elikem,
Thanks for taking the time to feedback to me. It's really helpful when people are honest with you!
The song is in it's early days, so I'm not stuck on much of the content just yet. The encouraging bit for me is that you liked the melody, and that you think it's worth working on.
I'll certainly take on-board your ideas about the pre-chorus and the lyrics in the chorus.
Cheers bud ;)
P
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Hey there pete,
A lot of good ideas in your song. I like the melody and think it would be easy to follow in a congregational setting. I'm not sure if you noticed but you wrote reconciler but u sing rescuer, and in the next line you use rescue. it doesn't really work but i'm assuming u meant reconciler ;-)
Maybe its just me but I wanted to highlight a few points, you might agree/disagree but wanted to let you know what I was thinking:
1. the pre-chorus seems like two separate lines which are incomplete and have been put together. if it follows from the verse, you say that he came from heaven above to rescue us, then you say, and he suffered there... where is there (I'm assuming you mean the cross but it's hard to inference that) You then say, the one sacrifice that could please our Holy God, what was that sacrifice? I don't mean to take interpretation away but I think it might be worth revisiting and maybe rewriting those lines - again, just my thoughts
2. Again this might be just me, it seems like in the chorus, you're linking the events of Jesus sacrifice with its effects to us. if that's the case then it'd not entirely true to say that he lived a righteous life to save us. what i mean is that we are saved by the blood he shed on the cross. Yes he had to be a pure sacrifice, hence living a righteous life but it was the sacrifice that saved us. so you couldn't say that the lamb was spotless and that saved us from sin, but it was the shedding of the pure lambs blood as a sacrifice.... I hope i'm not being too metaphorical
Either way, I think it's a good song and definitely continue to work on it.
God bless.