michaelb
From unknown
My girlfriend currently has a summer job working in Europe, and as it is, I won't see her for the next 7 weeks or so. Before she left, her mother suggested I go visit her for a few days during her trip. She is staying in a chalet with 4 separate bedrooms all to herself. I suggested this to my parents, but my mum thinks that is would be inappropriate for me to go visit her on my own. Both my girlfriend and I are from Christian families and have no intentions on 'pushing the boundaries' or anything like that. We are both at the same University, and have often been alone in each other's rooms, but we know where to stop and don't go beyond.
Is this quite normal, or is my mum being over protective? I'm 19 now and find it frustrating but I still know to respect my mum's decision. The way I see it is that simply going on holiday together isn't wrong in itself, and at University, we spend time alone together anyway. If my girlfriend and I had any intention to do anything we shouldn't, we have plenty of opportunity to do so but choose not to, so it's not as if stopping me from going to visit her will make any difference.
What are your thoughts? Should I try to talk to my mum about it, or should I just go along with her? After all, 7 weeks isn't THAT long.
Hi Michael.
I'd say the main problem here is what it looks like to other people.
You may be doing nothing BUT it *looks* like you are possibly to some people.
That is their problem but you need to be aware of how it looks to other people and how they may struggle with aspects of their own walk with God because of it.
It's a really tough one isnt it?
As you are 19 you are an adult and to be honest you can listen to Godly advice from parents etc but other than that your decision is your own.
I married at 19... had a mortguage at 18!!! You need to become an adult at some point and make important decisions for yourself weighing up advice where appropriate. I found that quite difficult - being an adult in my late teens planning a wedding /doing A levels / getting a mortguage etc... I was supposed to be a grown up with a hubby and mortguage but still felt quite lost at sea with the whole adult responsibility type stuff
Sorry sounds harsher than I intend ... doesnt convey my tone terribly well on a forum as opposed to a face to face chat.
Pauline
you started out really early, im in my mid 40s im still not married i dont have any children.
i dont own my own house, it just goes to show how we are all wired up differently.
as for advice Michael
it would be better to bring either a couple on friends with you or live in separate hotels.
the last thing you need is people speaking behind your back or gossipping about you.
common sence is the word here.
Tell your Mother that if she doesn't want you staying in the chalet she can find and pay for alternate accomodation.
Alternatively, do you have a mutual friend or two who'd want to come as well? Then there will be other people around, so to the outside it'll look more like a friends' holiday, and you'll have people who can help you be accountable.
Lots of good advice above...
Just one other thought, whenever i'm staying away by myself, or my wife is away from home, I always tell some accountability buddies (guys I won't lie to... not that I habitually lie!) and ask them to check up on me and ask me lots of hard questions to make sure I behave myself. Sounds a bit draconian, but everyone knows the score then.
If you'd really like to see your girlfriend, at the end of the day whilst your ma has a valid concern, you're old enough to decide for yourself. If you do go, get several folks at church to keep you accountable and ask you those questions... and make sure it's people who you KNOW won't back out of doing so.
I wouldn't think anything too untoward if you went to visit her, and anyone thinking so (other than a reasonable concern for your spiritual wellbeing) is probably guilty of gossiping.
New Song
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hi michael,
this is a tricky one. i think purity is one of those things that doesnt come easy to us, im sure you arent going beyond the boundaries at the moment but going to stay with her on your own for weeks on end if putting yourself in the line of temptation. for me the best of both worlds would be to go and see her but stay elsewhere, or go with (ideally Christian) friends so you all stay together and the temptation is reduced.
end of the day its your decision, but i know from experience how easy it is for one thing to lead to another in the moment even whe your dont intend to.
God bless,
gav.