Josh Gauton
From St Thomas Crookes Sheffield
21 January 2010 - 12:55am
Hey everyone,
This is a song I have had going for a while now, was interested to hear people's thoughts on it. I'm not convinced it is finished, so would really appreciate some constructive criticism and feedback! I guess the part I am least sure about is the first part of the bridge/tag at the end, I like the words of that part but it doesn't seem so congregational, though I'm not sure if that is a problem or not. Anyway, any feedback would be very welcome and appreciated, thanks!
Lyrics:
Presiding over everything,
You are through all things and in us
The one God who is faithful,
You delight to pour your blessings down.
Unchanging, never failing,
Steadfast solid rock
Chorus:
Love eternal
Is found in you
As you welcome me in.
I'm adopted
As your child, Lord,
You now call me yours,
Forever yours
Such love shown by our Father
As he sent his Son away to die
The anguish and the sorrow,
Pain that broke the father's heart
He endured this to redeem us,
To bring us home
Chorus
Running to meet me
Where I am,
With arms wide open,
Brought into your embrace
Through tears I cry,
'Not worthy to be yours'
'My child', you say
'My love for you endures'
There is no love deeper,
No love greater,
No love vaster than your love
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Marc Proctor
From New Hope Church
1 March 2010 - 8:09pm
I really like this song. I think you did a great job presenting a familiar topic in a fresh way unique to you. Its nice to hear a song that isn't "packaged" exactly as many of the successful songs we hear, not that those songs are bad... it just is someone elses songwriting style that doesn't fit everyone.
Anyway, I personally don't think the bridge/tag looses congregational singability. But, I should warn you that I've been on this "people are more musically inclined than we may think" kick lately. So I've been writing slightly more complicated stuff and hoping it works for congregations.
One thought, the chorus line "Is found in You" doesn't fit the melody, it feels kind of awkward at the moment. Maye if you shuffled the words around it would flow better. Like, If you did "love eternal's/comes from You're hand" or something that more easily hits the "one-one-two-three" melody you got got going. Hope that makes sense!
Keep up the good work here!
Hi Marc thanks for the feedback there, much appreciated. Glad to see you don't think the tag would be too complicated or whatever for a congregation, I guess like you too I have recently been exploring how I can write as a reflection of myself an this is kind of part of that.
I can see what you mean about that line, I had thought that part was a little confused, and also I kept accidentally singing it differently so clearly if I couldn't get it then there is something wrong! I'll have a look at it and your suggestion.
Again thanks man!
I really like this too, and my favorite bit is after the second time you sing the chrous! I'll agree with marc about the singability, my congregation seem to learn the 'harder to sing' songs quicker with lyrics that seem to click with them, and your bridge/tag section lyrics are the kind that they'd click with.
well done with song, I hope it works out alright once done =)
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