paulrobertson
From St Silas, Glasgow
First song I've posted for a wee while (organsing weddings take a lot of time!) Any comments would be very weldome looking specifically for feedback on lyrics and whether the melody is sufficiently singable/interesting.
Come meet me at my point of need
Give comfort where my heart is weak
Let your love break through
Let your love break through, Jesus
Captivate me
With your love so tender
Overwhelm me
With your unrivalled splendour
Your glory is my desire
Your glory is my desire
Release me from the tempter’s snare
Your perfect love can drive out fear
Let your love break through
Let your love break through, Jesus
Go with me when I leave this place
Into a world that needs your grace
Let your love break through
Let your love break through, Jesus
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Cheers Marc,
Thanks for your comments. Valuable as always!
I have a tendency to syncopate without really intending it. I'll give it a go with those words on the beat.
I haven't ruled out a bridge, but I'm not sure about dropping "Let your love break through". It's (supposed to be ) the focal point of the song - and the repetition is intended to draw attention to different areas that Jesus' love might break through.
:) As it stands I'd say the "love break through" is the focal of the song and is a nice response to the verses; my suggestion on moving them to the bridge woudln't really benefit the song one way or another, just make it flow differently I guess.
Syncopation station! I also tend to syncopate everything.
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It’s a nice song Paul! IMHO at least.
Its nice to have a melody that is easy to sing. I like it when a song relies on placement within the scale to denote where a verse and chorus are, instead of just moving an octave higher at the chorus (which is fine too, just saying). I think you did that nicely. I like the e-guitars intro melody as well, it sits nicely with the song.
Only thing I noticed is “tender” and “splendor” are both syncopated; don’t get me wrong, I love syncopation; but I think those two words are the focal point of the chorus and it would be more powerful if you hit those notes on the beat. Just my thoughts on the matter; that’s all I got really.
One other idea; maybe it would be cool if you omitted “let your love break through” as a pre-chorus at the end of each verse and just use that as a bridge? So you’d have 3 two line verses a chorus and a bridge? Just a thought; the reason I wondered that is sometimes a bridge can be a nice place to repeat a line 4 times, gives it some nice weight. Worth a thought?
Nice stuff!!
~Marc
http://quiescentdetonation.blogspot.com/ (blog)
http://www.purevolume.com/marcproctor (music)