paulrobertson
From St Silas, Glasgow
15 February 2010 - 5:01pm
Hi all,
I've posted this before as"radiant I stand" but have been reworking it for a while with a co-writer (a novel experience for me, and big ups to the Beatcave for helping out...) I think it's close to being usable, but would certainly welcome any more comments from the WorshipCentral collective.
Father God you look on me
Yet see no sin or shame
You see your Son who died for all,
To take away my blame.
He left his Father’s glorious throne
All radiance set aside
And hung alone eclipsed by sin
‘til sin was crucified
Let your light shine in the darkness
Let your light shine in the darkness
Empty now the threat of death
As empty lay the grave
And all whose faith is in his life
Will know his power to save
Christ returned to heaven above
In glorious light and power
And by his Spirit I have hope
To light my darkest hour
Darkness, sin and death retreat
And flee the marching dawn
His love casts our fear and doubt
To let his church shine on
As the moon reflects the sun
Now radiant we stand
Freed from sin and Satan’s grip
God’s kingdom is at hand
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jeramy sossaman
From First Christian Church
15 February 2010 - 5:09pm
hey paul...great, great job! this song has a unique sound and feel....which is really good. all parts present are really strong. melody, lyrical, musical. the only thing i was left with was a desire for the song to go somewhere big. maybe a big bridge part or something, where the band finally breaks free and the vocals really start belting out a simple melody that sums up all that you've said so far. maybe right before the final verse? you might take a look at the song and try to sum it up in one line, maybe two....down to it's most basic message and really let that part explode. release...you know what i mean? like belting out the phrase "shine on me" or "more of you" or something like that. i really think you've got something here. dig a little deeper. good stuff dude! be encouraged...
Thanks for taking the time to comment, Jeramy. Always appreciated! We'd kind of hoped the narrative of the lyric provided the lift during the last verse ("as the moon reflects the sun now radiant we stand" IS the song summed up in two lines!), but I hear where you're coming from. Musically, it would certainly be possible to give some lift during the third verse by adding in instruments.
Sounds great and sounds finished. Have nothing else to say. I don't think it 'needs' to go anywhere.
Hey Robert,
Thanks for the comments. Glad you like it. Tried it out with a full band on Thursday and it seems to have gone down well. I'll float it at our next new songs meeting and see what happens...
Hey Paul,
Nice one mate. This has got a really different feel indeed (and that's a good thing just in case you were wondering). Love how the lyrics scan - very hymnal although the style is not hymnal really.
Really like it mate.
Wayne
Paul
As others have said, it is really good as it is, and the feel is indeed different. My gut feeling, though, is that the lyrics are generally far too good and uplifting for the minor key feel that the song has at the moment. What I mean is, why waste such a good set of well-scanning lyrics on a tune that is quite downbeat, overall, and which people may be less keen to sing?
The only other thing that struck me was that in verse 1 there seems to be a little bit of "imputed righteousness" going on in there (i.e. God doesn't see us, he sees his Son). I know you think quite hard about all this stuff, and I can't remember what your take is on all this...... but having read far too much NT Wright for my own good, I start to look at lyrics like that and think, "Is that quite right?". Couple of years ago it wouldn't have worried me at all, though.
Hey Wayne and Dan, thanks for your encouraging comments.
It's written to give it a deliberately Celtic feel. I'm a big believer in using indigenous influences in song-writing (and I like celtic folk music). So, since we Scottish people all like being a bit miserable, the minor feel wouldn't be a problem. You're welcome to write a happy version for south of the border! ;o)
You're right that the idea of imputed righteouness is there in the first and last verses. I've no problem with that as a concept. How exactly it works, (i.e. the Luther's idea of being cloaked by Jesus, or Calvin's of Christ being within us) I don't know and is much less relevant. Bottom line, as Christians, Jesus righteousness is counted as ours. I've not read NT on imputed righteouness. Would he disagree?
Hey Paul
You should always write first for your own church, so if you Scottish like the minor key, go for it! :-)
On the NT Wright thing - well, it's always a dangerous thing trying to be an interpreter of NT Wright's interpretation of Paul.... but, yes, I think he disagrees with the doctrine of imputed righteousness (or, at least, he'd disagree that the apostle Paul taught it). The (very much recommended) book to read here is "Justification: God's plan and Paul's vision".
Paul, I really like this song, I like the sound, good message. It is good the way it is but I think it would be a kick to add some horns to this song, Good job, gonna let my light shine in the darkness :-)
Hey Neals, good to hear from you again! Thanks for your comments.
Hadn't considered horns at all - not a typically Scottish folk arrangement. (Pipes, fiddles or whistles maybe...) But I'm intrigued, where do you hear them coming in? And are we talking sax/trumpet or tuba/french horn? Always up for something new!
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