Becky W
From Church Lane Evangelical, Stafford
Hello every one. This is a variation of an old hymn of John Newman's. I love it when songwriters make old songs accessible to us, so this is my attempt! All feedback welcome, but I'm especially interested to know whether people think the old language needs updating any more (I've barely changed it except for missing out a few lines and changing the structure, but the original is at the bottom if anyone wants to compare). And on a more nitpicky note - does the stress on 'the' in , 'the distant scene' annoy people enough to bother changing it?!
Thanks so much for taking the time to listen, really appreciate it.
Lead, kindly light, amid the encircling gloom
Lead thou me on, Lead thou me on
The night is dark, and I am far from home
Lead thou me on, lead thou me on
Keep thou my feet, I do not ask to see
The distant scene: one step enough for me
I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou
would lead me on, would lead me on
I loved to choose and see my path, but now
Lead thou me on! Lead thou me on
Keep thou my feet...
So long thy power has blessed me, sure it still
Will lead me on, will lead me on
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone, the night is gone
Keep thou my feet..
And Mr Newman's original:
Lead, kindly light, amid the encircling gloom
Lead thou me on,
The night is dark, and I am far from home
Lead thou me on,
Keep thou my feet, I do not ask to see
The distant scene: one step enough for me
I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou
shouldst lead me on,
I loved to choose and see my path, but now
Lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and spite of fears
Pride ruled my will: remember not past years
So long thy power has blessed me, sure it still
Will lead me on,
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile
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Thanks Mr Hatch, that's helpful to know. I think the 2nd verse is the most likely to lose people. Is this any better?
I have not always prayed and longed that thou
Would lead me on, would lead me on
I thought I loved my own way best, but now
Lead thou me on, lead thou me on
My feeling is that thees and thous don't necessarily make a song inaccessible to us these days - they're generally understood. Its more some of the sentence structure that needs playing about with - especially if you change the tune because the stresses and pauses change position then.
Any other suggestions for bits that need rewriting?
Hi Becky
you're right thous and thees are understood, but it is very king james bible speak.
i would say most christians dont read king james bibles anymore.
new king james, niv or even other translations like the message or nlt seem to be more popular.
my bible is a king james and amplified bible 2 in one.
its up to you but to appeal to more people it would be good to rewrite to make it more up to date english.
i cant see anything else that needs rewriting.
another good tip is look at some of the stuart townend or kieth getty lyrics. to see how they write modern contempary hymns.
Hi Becky,
I really like this - it has a touch of Kate Rusby about it. I wouldn't worry too much about the Thees and Thous. If your church will understand them, then keep them. Many people find them it helps them seeing God as transcendent. They work better in a folky hymn style of song.
I have a couple of lyrical and melodic suggestions.
1) Your melody is for the most part already strong, but some varation between the couplets in the verses might help to strengthen it further.
2) I think you're right that the chorus line "see the distant scene..." should be smoother, without the pause between lines. For me the end of the first chorus line feels like it should rise. Over all the last 3/4 of the chorus are the weakest part melodically. Maybe worth playing about with some other ideas here?
3) Some of your stresses in the verses aren't natural which can be a little distracting. For instance, you could switch "THE night is dark" for ""DARK is the night" which accents the more important word.
Overall, good work! I look forward to hearing the finished version.
Thanks Paul, those are some really helpful specifics! I've had a little play around, especially with the chorus and the stresses in the middle verse, when I get a chance I'll post a 2nd recording.
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hi
i think your new version of this song would be good, if you could change the old english words into modern contempary words.
to relate the song to how it would be written and sung today, it would be all the better for it.
john newton was a amazing songwriter and he wrote songs for his time. this is still a really good updated version of the song.
keep working on it.