jaynorris
From St John's Hartley Wintney
Hi all,
Please check out this song taken from psalm 103, and any feedback would be great :)
V1:
I will not forget, He heals my heart
He forgives my sins and gives me life
And He lifts me up, and crowns me with
Love and compassion for all
V2:
I am satisfied, with all that He gives
And I feel renewed in His arms
That is where I’m safe, and I’m not afraid
For He is just, and He is good
V3:
He’s a gracious God, In love He abounds
His mercy stretches far and wide
So I’ll lift Him up, and crown Him with
Glory, honour and praise
Chorus:
Praise the Lord, O my soul
Praise Him, Praise Him
All I am, All I have
Praise Him
Bridge:
For as high as the heavens are above the earth
So great is His love, is His love
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Hi Tim,
Thanks for your comments, I thought that it may get a better response for the simple chorus.
When you say it is shaky at the start, what do you mean exactly?
I can see where you are coming from in terms of themes if you take the song out of context, but it is helpful to look at psalm 103 when reading through the lyrics, and although the song doesn't take the exact form of the psalm, it is definitely intended as a heart reaction from myself to the psalm, and I think works as a story in line with the story of the psalm. Verse 1 is taken from (103: v 1-4) and verse 2 from (103: v 5-6) and then verse 3 (v 8 as well as my response). So I hope that helps to see where it all fits in. And if you have any lyrical suggestions to make that more obvious if it needs to be, then that would be great :)
In terms of the arrangement, I would love to hear it as we always would with a full band and great recording, but I feel it is very important to know that it holds itself up with just the guitar! So hopefully in the future I'll get there with a bigger recording :)...
Lastly I have put it past my fiance who is always my harshest critic and she really liked it, but said it could be stronger in the verses, so a fairly similar response! It may need a fresh look at the melody?
Cheers dude
Jay
unfortunatley i'm more of a melody man, so to me the lyrics are pretty solid,
i think the very first melody of your verse "i will not forget" is fine but the "he heals my heart" could be revamped!
if you were going to edit it in any way i think it needs to keep the last line as it really connects the verse to the chorus, but yeah real potential for this song, can't wait to hear it as a whole package
hope this helped
Thanks Tim, it does really help to know which part of the melody isn't sounding quite right, so thank you, I will definitely take a look at that again!
Hey Jay, how's it going mate?
Good song idea going on here, I'd agree with cutting the 2nd verse though, I think 3 verses is perhaps a bit of a stretch, especially when you've got a very repeatable chorus and bridge. I think the verses could be tided up a bit, and you've got the skill to complete them with some decent rhyming too, so spend some more time on them.
Finally, my I reckon it might sound a bit stronger at the start of the chorus to repeat praise the Lord, and move the line O my soul e.g.
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord
Praise Him, praise Him.
All I am, O my soul
Praise Him
Also I reckon to repeat the chorus, you could sing praise Him twice as you do on the second line.
Hope that's been helpful
Thanks Matt :)
Some very useful comments there, I must admit I am struggling to see the point that Tim also raised of cutting the second verse, I feel it would be over so quickly if it was just two verses, and I like the progression of the prayer as it is in the psalm. Plus one other thing I would value your thoughts on is as I lead worship these days, I am constantly a bit unsatisfied with the songs that are just 1 or 2 verses and a chorus, as it feels like there's a lack of depth and not much to lead into, where as some of the larger songs (O how strong, and others) you can go on a great journey with, and pause in places to sing out but still have great theological depth to return to. So I would appreciate this song with more verses I think... thoughts??
It is definitely worth developing the verses from where they are though so I will do that! And will mess around with the chorus a bit to consider your idea!
Cheers mate
New Song
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really great song, a bit shaky at the start but the chorous is simple and effective and catchy i really like it,
i would cut out verse 2 as i think it goes off topic a bit and i think two verses would be better than three as it would really strip the song to its bear minimum and would give it a greater presence.
also as a final thought it woudl be great to hear it with other instruments, even if it was just drums or bass just to really emphisiase the dynamics of the song.
oh and also have you tried it in a service yet or even just showed it to anybody? how did they react?
love god. love life. love worship