gazsimmonds
From St Thomas' Chesterfield
22 July 2008 - 10:30pm
This is a song i wrote a couple of months ago, just got 2 verses and chorus so far... any thoughts would be great!
Sorry the recordings not that great, couple of dodgy notes too!
here are the words anyway:
(Capo 2)
Cmaj7
In this busy world that we live in,
G Cmaj7
I come before you now
Cmaj7
I leave my pride, at your feet,
G C
and offer all to You
F
For you are the God,
G
Who I worship,
Am7
The God,
G
Who hears my call
C
So let me take off my shoes,
D
And come before You now
Let Your Grace, cover me
Your mercy wash me clean
Take my words and make them Yours,
And embrace me as Your own
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TimCase
From New Life Church Wickford
22 July 2008 - 11:01pm
Hi Gaz,
Nice song, I like the gentle melody which is also very singable which is good if you want it to be a congregational song.
I couple of things that struck me first off, in the first 2 lines you are saying 'we' and then 'I', that can confuse the emphasis as to whether it is a group song or a personal worship song. I think there should be a consistant use of 'I' and 'me' or alternatively 'we' and 'us'. There are examples of the songs with one verse using 'I' and another verse using 'we' which just about get away with it.
The other thing is, I'm not sure what you mean by 'Take my words and make them yours' what were your thoughts behind this lyric?
I can see this song going down very well in that quite, intimate worship time, drawing people closer to the presence of God.
Tim Case
www.newlife-church.org.uk
Hey Tim, cheers for the input.
yeh i see what you mean about the first two lines, it is intended to be a personal worship song, so i will look about rejigging that first line.
Regarding the words 'take my words and make them Yours', i wrote them, basically meaning, 'God, let the words i say not be useless, but instead let them be the words you want me to say' but i see what you mean, maybe i did not explain that well enough with that line, so i will maybe have a rethink with that bit! hmmmm....
Gaz
Hi Gaz,
Cool song. Just been having a listen to it, and you can totally ignore this if you don't feel it's right, but I just feel like going to the F on the chorus doesn't really give much of a lift (You playing in the key of G which is why it probably doesnt feel right to me as F doesnt appear in the key of G).
Also the line 'let me take off my shoes', doesn't quite feel right, it sort of feels like you are either asking God or the congregation to give you permission to take your shoes off....it's totally up to you if you feel this is right or not!
Keep up the good work mate!
God Bless
Si
www.dorset-tech.co.uk - church and small business website design!
Might the "take off my shoes" lyric be "inspired" (*cough *cough) by a certain Delirious? song of the same name? I think it's too original of a lyrical phrase for people not to immediately think "Dude - he totally stole that from Delirious!"
Jeff T.
blogsology.wordpress.com
Hi Si, ermm i'm actually playing it in C so F is in the same key, it is the D at the end of the chorus that isn't 'technically' in the same key. I understand where Your coming from, i think that is just personal preference though, its kinda weird cos i actually showed this song to a couple of guys i play with a few weeks ago, and they thought that F chord was like the best part (musically) in the song!!! ha! so
Regarding that line, yeh i understand it doesn't totally fit, i just haven't been able to find anything else to go there!! And yeh i kinda got the idea from a delirious song, just because it was a line that really spoke to me personally, and its a metaphor that i kinda use a lot when coming to worship...
Gaz
Hey Gaz,
Hope everything is good with you mate. Nice song, It could probably do with a little tightening but thats pretty normal when a songs not finished. Yeah listen to what the toher guys are saying. The F does sound a little funny. I'm overseas in South Africa at the minute so dont have a guitar to have a play and see what might work better so I'll leave you to have a look at that. Also the shoes line doesnt really fit in. You could be going for the "Holy ground" reference, in which case Exodus 3:1-5 is where you want to look.
Definately got potential though mate.
Keep Going.
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