larry
From St Bernard's, Belfast
8 June 2009 - 9:08pm
After some rough drafting on here, this is the lump of coal we have so far:
Lyrics 1st draft:
Come O Holy Spirit,
Set our hearts on fire.
Give us a burning passion,
Echoing Your own desire.
Come O Holy Spirit,
Fan into a flame
The embers that glow within us,
Longing to be set ablaze.
Come have Your way among us,
We stand ready to receive anew
Shape us and move within us
Be the air around us as we breathe in You.
Come glorify Jesus, open our eyes to see His face.
Come show us the Father, teach us to love as children should.
Come dwell within us, lead us to live in truth and grace
Help us to trust You, leaning upon this gentle breeze as You move.
===
This morphed into the following:
Come O Holy Spirit,
Set our hearts on fire.
Give us a burning passion,
Echoing Your own desire.
Come O Holy Spirit,
Fan into a flame
The embers that glow within us,
Longing to be set ablaze.
Breathe upon us, here below
We stand ready to receive once more.
Dwell within us, ebb and flow,
Lead us from within our hearts, o Lord.
Come glorify Jesus, free us from fear that we may share His truth.
Come show us the Father, teach us to love and trust as children do.
Spirit of God, fill us with grace,
Empower us now to boldly share our faith.
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Michael
From Canterbury Baptist Church
9 June 2009 - 9:49am
Hi Larry,
Nice lyrics! I especially like the "the embers that glow within us, longing to be set ablaze" - really nice imagery there :-)
There were just a couple of lines that I wondered about - firstly "Come show us the Father, teach us to love as children should." I get what you're trying to say here, but it almost sounds like it's children not us that should be loving, what about "teach us to love as children do" or "we should"? That said I'm still a bit unsure on the children imagery for loving in general, what about changing it along the lines of "teach us to accept you as a little child"? I know that's too many syllables but I thought I'd throw the idea out there.
The other line I wasn't so sure about was "leaning upon this gentle breeze" - again I see what you're saying but I'm wondering whether the gentle breeze really fits that well?
Great start though, keep at it!
Michael
Hi Larry,
I find it difficult to judge words without a tune but I'll have a go.. I like the image of fanning the embers into flame which is a nice reference to 2 Timothy. I would be tempted to focus on that thought to give the song more of a focus. I prefer it to 'Come have Your way among us' which I think has become a bit of a cliche. I think you might do well to cut down the number of words - to 'make the words work harder' as my English teacher used to say. Having said that, many lyrics seem too wordy away from the tune. 'As we breathe in You' doesn't make sense grammatically. Hope this is helpful and not simply too picky.
Ian
Great song Im no expert some say a song is only as good as the words in it ,you capivate the spirit of worship .....
Thanks for the helpful tips, one and all.
Michael: I think "as children DO" will sound better and less of a chore-like responsibility.
The gentle breeze thing comes partly from (scripture reference?) God being experienced not in the fire or the earthquake but the gentle breeze - and also that word for Spirit being "breath of God" too. It takes a bit of courage to lean into the wind, even when it's powerful and in our face, so it's more of a risk to lean into a soft breeze, which is what I feel that faith leap is like sometimes. That can make sense over several sentences....now to condense it to one line!!! As Ian said, make the words work harder :)
Ian - do you think "breathe You in" ie: drawing in the breath of God into our own lungs is okay as an alternative to the usual "come fill us, fall on us" kind of prayers - maybe just a case of juggling the words or sacrificing a rhyme there?
I knew it needed chopping first so that's why I haven't recorded anything yet...case it takes a new twist before the words are acceptable!
Cheers again, indebted!
Definitely more focused on 2 Tim - thanks for the ref!!
Had the verse melody in my head for a while and the rest came out with a little coaxing. I think there's a touch of early Bluetones in the tag section, but hopefully that won't annoy any Britpop haters lol
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