richjens
From St Mike's Aberystwyth
Had the basis of this song pop into my head on Thursday and it came together pretty quickly (not always a good sign!). Anyway, let me know what you think... not sure that it's congregational.
Lyrics:
The splendour of Your majesty
Your wondrous works surrounding me
I will declare Your awesome greatness
Your goodness truly overflows
Your righteousness in which I'm clothed
I will declare Your awesome greatness
Great is the Lord, so great
He is greatly to be praised
His greatness is unsearchable
Great is the Lord, so great
He is greatly to be praised
I stand amazed, I stand amazed
You hold the falling in Your arms
You raise the humbled when they're down
I will declare Your awesome greatness
You give me all that I require
You satisfy my heart's desire
I will declare Your awesome greatness
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Yep, quickly-written songs can be a disaster but this one's pretty good i think! I love that when I read the psalm I can see where your lines have come from. It's got a lot of truth in it (thanks King David for not inventing copyright, gives us so much to go on!) A few suggestions to think about.
1) the melody to the line 'I will declare your awesome greatness' - I like the higher pitch for 'I will declare' but I think the jump down to 'your awesome greatness' is possibly a bit much for a congregation (and despite what you said, I think this could definitely be congregational. It's straightforward praise for God's goodness, the kind of song you can sing wherever you're at). It feels to me like it should come down more steadily, but keep the rhythm the same. Bear with me while I try to describe the tune in words (!) but it makes me want to sing 'your awe' at the same pitch as the first note as the chorus, then 'some great' at the same pitch as 'I'm clothed' and finally, 'ness' at the same pitch as you have it originally. Hope that made some sense!
2) The line 'your righteousness in which I'm clothed' doesn't seem to quite fit lyrically, possibly because it's opening up a whole new topic right at the end of the verse. It's not a major issue but I think you could improve it.
3) 'His greatness is unsearchable' - again, a really minor point but unsearchable feels like too many syllables. I'd suggest 'unending' but I think you're aiming for verse 3 'his greatness no-one can fathom' and unending doesn't really get that across. 'His greatness none can fathom' sounds a bit archaic compared to the rest of your song so I'm not sure what you should go for here.
4) Last verse - this is my favourite bit, cos the message of this verse is brilliant! You've managed to get across how God's grace is so much more amazing in the context of his greatness, without saying it explicitly. The only line I'd change here is 'you raise the humbled when they're down' - it sounds like you think being humble before God is the same as being sad. If I'm right you've taken this from verse 14 'he lifts up all who are bowed down' - what about something along the lines of 'he carries those who are weighed down' or even just take that verse straight as it is, it fits more or less although some of the stresses are not perfect
Oops pressed save too early! Meant to finish up by saying it's a good song, well done and definitely congregational. Be interested to see an updated version if you make any changes later on
Becky
Thanks both for your feedback... and thanks Becky for your suggestions! I'm following the ESV version of the Psalm, which might explain some of the choice of words in there.
1) - thanks for the suggestion, but I actually really like that bit of the tune, although you're quite right that it would probably flummox a congregation! I think if it feels more congregational to me later on, then I might follow your suggestion to simplify that bit.
2) - This line comes from: "They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of your righteousness." I wanted to have something about God's righteousness, and I liked the link with the NT that we're now clothed in Christ's righteousness, and this is an example of God's abundant goodness. So that's where I was coming from - I guess the link isn't so clear, so will think about it.
3) This bit is again taken straight from the ESV. I'm trying to make my songs fairly close to the original Scriptures, so if something's a little bit awkward but still works (just about!) from the original, then I tend to stick with it.
4) Great suggestion thanks! I know what you mean about the line not being clear about what is meant by 'down', so if you don't mind I'll modify your suggestion a wee bit and use it. :) Maybe something like "You raise up all who are bowed down"?
Thanks again for the comments!
Richard
I've updated the song - latest version can be found here:
http://soundcloud.com/richjens/great-is-the-lord-psalm-145
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you certainly have a gift for making words flow. i have a song that is similar too this on the songwriting forum.
on my (writing hymns) page please check it out. amazing words again another great song.
keep on writing songs as good as this.