benatkins
From Christ Church Surbiton
This came yesterday so its still fresh and perhaps plenty left to do I feel, so I thought I'd put it out there for some shouts. Been frustratingly ill so had a bit of time to demo this one out, and get carried away with garageband..
When my feet are weary
And my soul tired
You call me to lean on you
You call me to lean on you
When my heart is heavy
And sorrows come
You tell me to seek your face
That you are my hiding place
Father hold me in this place
I'm safe in your embrace
In you I'll find my rest, my rest
Father hide me in your love
With your peace which lasts above
The storms I face, I face
When my lips are weary
From desperate prayers
You call me to trust in you
Lord help me to trust in you
When my eyes grow heavy
No end in sight
Help me to cling to you
Lord this heart will cling to you
Father...
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Chris - thanks much for your feedback. Good to hear your thoughts re:congregationability (real word, I promise.. maybe...). Thanks for the ideas about arrangement too, very helpful. Will keep going and see how things progress. Thanks for the encouragement mate. Ben.
this song is really good, the only thing i would of liked to see in it.
is something about entering into his presence,other than that this is really good.
Thanks for your view - what exactly do you mean by that though? Surely we are always in his presence?
yes i agree we are always in his presence this song just reminds me of being in the presence of god.
but it dosent need any changes it works really well as it is. keep on writing really good devotional songs like this.
I really like this song, really good job there, be sure to check out my new song The King Is Coming
Awesome chorus Ben! really fresh and new, i love how the verses are simple and easy to understand
My only negative would be the second part to the chorus 'Father hide me in your love', it kinda gives the wrong impression, we should be bold and courageous in gods love not hide away in it, yes he should be place to come to in fear but to then leave in courage, for the end of the second verse leading into the chorus, maybe have 'secret place', rather than hiding place.
Also 'With your peace which lasts above' i kind of get it, but it still confused me and distracted me from the rest of the song a bit aswell, not biblically but grammatically, it felt like you just tried to get the rhyme in.
But as you said its in its early days, and hopefully I’ve left you with something to ponder!
Keep us posted!! :-)
Tim
Ben,
I like your song! I have one suggestion regarding the verses and tune.
You may wish to raise the pitch in the verse a little - the tessitura a little low. In the verse the bulk of your melody revolves around pitch range C#-F#, perhaps you could experiment with your ostinato "repeating motif" expanding it a little? The chorus is just under an octave higher than the verse - this could be a little difficult for congregational singing. If you try and bridge the gap, the congregation will find it much easier to sing.
This is a picky point, and might be easily corrected by adjusting a couple of notes.
Hope that helps,
David
On rare occasions I hear a song that I wish I'd written... and this is one of them. Stunningly beautiful Ben.
I agree that 'Secret place' would work instead of hiding place. Hiding place is a but of a cliche in my opinion. I also agree that 'With your peace which lasts above' is confusing.
I definitely wouldn't make the song bigger with electric guitars and drums... it is an intimate song about resting in God's saftey... I think a huge crashing band would be inappropriate. I like it just as you have recorded it... it teases and teases and then backs away... perfect.
I have a fairly low and limited vocal range... generally speaking, if I can sing it the congregatgion can sing it. I found this comfortable to sing and the jump from verse to chorus gave me the lift I needed to feel that the chorus was the apex of the song.
Seriously, I love this song.
Dan.
Hey, wonderful song, really is :) appreciate feedback is a little late lol but nvm. On "The storms I face, I face" - the second "I face" I wasn't sure about. I was thinking maybe instead finish the chorus with "father hold me in this place", it makes for a neater finish and creates a hook for the chorus. And again, beautiful song!
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Hello,
Really enjoyed this! I can see it working well in church. I really love to hear how this song progresses, I think it is screaming to being driven out with the electric and the drums towards the end, maybe coming out of a driven bright chorus into some nice driving chords back into a voice only chorus then build back in.
Cracking start
Chris