paulrobertson
From St Silas, Glasgow
24 October 2008 - 6:21pm
Hi all, early draft so bit rough and ready still. Be great to have thoughts and suggestions.
Body and blood
Verse 1
We stand before you now
Knowing we have let you down
The love you show to us we haven’t shared
The truths that you reveal to us
We’re scared to tell of, scared to follow.
Jesus, we are nothing without you.
Prechorus
Your body was broken
Your blood was shed for all our sins
Chorus
Jesus, our Saviour. Jesus, our King
There is no other
By your power Lord, we will live for you again.
Verse 2
We stand before you now
Knowing we have work to do
To love our neighbours like you loved us first
To tell the truth of your great name
To follow where you lead us, Lord
Even if it costs us everything.
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gavinball
From Fishponds Baptist Church, Bristol, UK
24 October 2008 - 9:57pm
hi paul,
great song idea here nice work again.
i like the guitar bit in the chorus in particular.
i think the transition between verse pre ch and chorus needs to be smoother lyrically.
at the moment there seem to be 2 song ideas in this lyric competing with each other.
for me a chorus that said 'empower us' or 'change us' or 'fill us and send us out' woudl make more sense than the words you have.
or if you want to keep them you could use them in a bridge that might work better.
i just dont htink 'body and blood' really somes up the message of the song.
keep going for it you have loads of gifts and the recording sounds ace.
God bless,
gav.
Gav, thanks again for taking the time to post comments. You always make me feel encouraged by them.
I'll have a run through some more ideas for a chorus +/- bridge.
Paul
PS You can assume any title I post with is a working title. Until you have the lyrics nailed, I think it's difficult to be certain of what your title will be!
Hey Paul, nice work, it's good to have a song challenging people to look outwards - we definitely need more of them! I like the progression of thought from verse 1 to verse 2, but the chorus does seem slightly off-topic as Gav says - something like
Thank you Jesus for your love
We're forgiven we are free
And we must go to tell the world / so help us go and tell the world
of your love
- that's rubbish, but I hope you get the idea of how the chorus needs to tie together the two ideas of being forgiven and being commissioned to go out?
One other thing to consider, it would be a lot easier to learn if your syllable counts were consistent, especially between the first and second halves of the verses. At the moment in each line you've got:
6
7
10
8
9 (8 in vs 2)
9
lines 3 and 6 definitely need to match IMO, and it would probably be very helpful if 1&2 matched with 4&5 - adding to lines 1&2 will probably be easier.
Hope that helps
M
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