Murray McEwan
From Moortown Baptist Church, Leeds
6 March 2010 - 12:49pm
Hi, this is my first submission to anything on the worship central site - which is great by the way! - I have listened to the podcast for a while and attended events and the new WC hub in Leeds but I wish I'd looked at the site sooner.
I wrote this song a week ago and as things go when you come up with a song really quickly and live with it in your head on and off for a few days, I find I lose total perspective on it, so I would welcome any feedback from you guys. I'm thinking I set this a bit low for me in the verse and that I'll probably end up re-writing this.
The title says all you need to know about the theme - it is essentially declarative about the nature of God, rather than a song of personal response or intimacy. I am not sure how singable it would be congregationally.
I don't have a decent quality mic and ended up using a pair of tights stretched accross a coat hanger as a pop filter, so this is just a guide vocal track.
Thanks!
Verse 1
In the beginning was the Father
The creator of the world
You breathed a word and made the darkness and the light
For you are God of all
Pre-Chorus
You are God, we’re Your own
We bring worship to Your throne
Show us mercy from above
As we surrender to Your love
Chorus
You are God the Father
You’re the Son
You’re the Holy Spirit
Three-in-one
Verse 2
First the Word was with the Father
You gave this up to show Your love
You came to Earth to be the saviour of this world
For you are God and man
Verse 3
Now we’re living with Your Spirit
Your living presence here on Earth
And we can know Your transformation in our lives
For You are God-in-us
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Wayne Sanders
From C3 (Cambridge Community Church)
11 March 2010 - 9:36pm
Hey Murray,
Sounds great man - good recording. The tights are working for you man. What brand are they? LOL
This has got a good feel and the arrangement works well. I would totally agree with you that it is probably pitched way too low. Sounds like you would give it some more energy if you stepped it up a few keys I'm also in two minds as to whether this would be congregational or presentational. I suppose it might work congregationally off the back of a message on the Trinity. I know there has been loads of debate re Trinitarian worship on this site in various forums - check some of them out.
BTW - really like the ending. Great relaxed vocal vamps at the end. NICE!
W
Cheers Wayne, this is helpful.
I'm trying to think desperately of a brand of tights with a good pun but not being an expert in such matters because of my gender, the best I can think of is Pretty Poly-phonic (groan!)
You have confirmed what I was thinking about the verse I think I'll give another stab at some point at the key and possibly the melody - although I have moved onto working on other songs at the mo'.
Hi Murray.
Thanks for this. I really like the laid back groove throughout. Lovely guitar soloing added a great texture for me.
Having tried to write a song with a similar theme I can relate to this one and I see what you are trying to do. However, for me the chorus doesn't quite work. The song strikes me as one which essentially teaches on the Trinity rather than worshipping the Trinity. It does so from the second person perspective rather than third person. This meant that I felt that I was singing to God throughout trying to teach Him who He was, which I'm sure He already knows! ;-) If for instance the chorus changed direction to something like "Praise You God the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit..." it might bring more of a worship focus whilst also teaching.
Hope that helps rather than hinders. Keep up the good work.
Mart
PS As for tights, well, I cannot comment!
Cheers Mart, I appreciate your comments.
As my first attempt to bring my songwriting process into a public arena I have found this to be really helpful so far.
I know what you mean about the chorus - I suppose what I was getting at was something that's not teaching God who he his but declaring or ascerting his nature as Father Son and Spirit. In fact though, on a number of levels I have realised that this early draft doesn't work for me and doesn't translate to congregational singing - I have now raised the key of the verse to a more singable one, changed the feel slightly and the tempo and re-written the melody for the chorus which I tried with some of our worship team on Monday night - I was thinking something similar to what you have suggested for the words: Praise you God the Father, Praise the Son, Praise the Holy Spirit etc.
I am now distracted with another two or three songs I have on the go at the moment but when I have an evening free I will re-record the new idea and post it.
Thanks again.
Murray
Hi Murray,
Thanks for posting this up - there a lot of good stuff in there! I like the feel of this, particularly the way it builds at the PC and then kicks up again in the chorus. And we certainly need more explicitly Trinitarian songs. I do sometimes wish the church fathers had picked a word that rhymed better than Trinity...
Melodically the prechorus and chorus are strongest for me. As has already been said, transposing it up a little and making it a click or two quicker might give at a bit more oomph.
Lyrically, I'd agree with Mart that there isn't enough currently in the chorus - the "Praise you..." addition seems a good way to get round that. Since all your verses end with "You are God..." an idea might be to not repeat this in the first line of the pre-chorus, but to have a linking phrase. Something like "So we bring worship to your throne/Give praise to you alone"
A final lyrical thought is that you switch during the verses between God as subject (You are God...) and object (In the beginning was the Father...) in different places in each verse. I think the flow would work best if you kept the first three verse lines all about God, then brought in the "You are God" line to take you into the PC. I'm not sure if it was intentional but your final verse, although it's about the Spirit, is sung to the Father.
Anyway, they're all fairly minor things. Really look forward to hearing the reworked version. (And the other projects you've got on the go!)
Hi Paul,
Thanks this is again really helpful. Since I read your post I have been thinking about speaking about God as subject and object in and wondering about possibly changing this too as part of my ongoing re-write. Oh, if there were only more hours in the day!
Moving away from talking about this song per se - your post makes me think about something else. I have been thinking quite a lot for a long time about the difference between songs 'about' God and songs 'to' God and the place each might have in a worship service. No doubt there is a forum on this somewhere (if not maybe I should start one) but I it seems to me that there is a trend away from the former to the latter - a more vertical form of worship between us and God - as the dominant form expressed in new worship songs.
Personally I find value in both and find that each has a place in a worship set as we seek to gather people in, declare who God is and respond to him and that it is even possible to switch between both in one song (the whole revelation and response thing). Whilst our worship is all about and directed towards God, I think it can also have an important role in teaching and ministering to one another - I have heard it said that people often learn more of their theology from songs than from sermons - we don't tend to sing a sermon in the shower.
This whole distinction is something which I have found to be a thorny one in churches - I have heard of 1 worship leader who, being acosted by people saying they got nothing out of the worship, responded (perhaps arrogantly) - "that's okay, it wasn't for you". I have also heard some members of my own congregation saying that they just don't get the more vertical God and us songs.
Interested in any thoughts you or anyoe else has on this.
Murray.
I agree. I know people who are uncomfortable about the intimacy of using 2nd person, and those who are uncomfortable about the lack of intimacy using 3rd person. I think a balanced approach is biblical - both proclamation and devotion. If you look at the Psalms they're all a mixture of God in 3rd person (The Lord's my shepherd) and 2nd person (You are a shield around me).
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