Can I Do It All?
Ok, so I think I’ve got about ten minutes to blurt my thoughts out before my five-month-old baby will need my full attention again.
So, its obvious now - things have changed… and to be honest I think I’m still very much coming to terms with the fact that this change is permanent. I better get used to it, get the hang of it, and get on with it.
I guess anyone who has had a baby knows how all consuming it is, and I certainly don’t want to complain because it is the most wonderful blessing I could ever imagine, however… how the heck do I do it all???
Tasks that were so simple before are now apparently almost impossible… take for example, putting together a set list; or writing a song (not always simple but usually enjoyable); or how about turning up to lead worship without vomit all over you?
What about coordinating feeding times with nap times, with sound checks, tubes & buses, buggies & babysitters, song charts, coffee & phone calls, nappies, bottles & bibs, don’t neglect your daily shower, brush your teeth and turn up to the service ready to lead with a smile on your face and whatever you do – DON’T FORGET YOUR GUITAR.
Can I do it all?
I chose to return to work part-time (worship leading and the like) when Jones was three months old. This was always my intention but I never imagined how challenging it would be (actually, becoming a mother is by far the most challenging bit) BUT the reason I chose to return so quickly is not only because I love it, but I also feel such conviction that this is what I am called to do.
So a few things I am learning in this transition is –
I can’t do it all. I don’t need to do it all. I need His grace. A simple prayer is sometimes enough. God is with me all day, every day, whether walking in the park with the baby, washing dishes, doing laundry, wiping poop of the little ones bum or standing on stage in front of crowds of people. And even more powerful - God still turns up even if my hair and makeup aren’t done to perfection, and I smell like baby puke ;)
But seriously it must only be by his grace and His spirit at work within me that I am able to lead with any sort of anointing. Most days, mornings turn into evenings with a blink of an eye and the weekend is upon us before I’ve had a real chance to seek God or prepare practically for my leadership responsibility. I often feel like the last person on earth that should be leading worship, but I must say that every time I have led since having Jones I feel God’s grace upon me more powerfully than ever before. I am completely unable without him… but even with the smallest seed of faith and the most elementary prayer like “God help me, I can’t do it, I need you” God pours out abundance within me and I have something to give again. He keeps showing me how BIG he really is, and that He’s not limited by what I don’t have (e.g. the perfect set list) or what I can’t do, but is able to do anything with the tiny amount I have to offer (remembering the kid with the fishes and loaves).
Ephesians 3:20 Says “Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”
So this is not a season to be discouraged, and shy away from the call of God. This is not a time to “try too hard” or get jealous of others that are able to do what appears to be more. This is a time to enjoy and embrace all the fullness of life that God promises (Eph 3:19) - even if it means less sleep- to stand strong knowing that it is He who carries us – we cant do it all, we’ll never be able to, and we were never meant to.
So… back to taking care of Mr. Jones, and hopefully get my set lists done for the weekend!
xxxNikki
Ps. If you have any practical tips for making it all work, let me know
PPs. Praise the Lord for my husband. He’s amazing… I wouldn’t be able to do it without him!
I have just stumbled on your blog....You are not alone!
It's not really about 'having/doing it all' it is more about being clever with your time and not trying to put everything into little boxes.
I have 3 lovely kids who are now all teenagers and I am still really active in my local church. Someone gave me some really good advice - let your kids become part of what you do rather than a attachment of. One to one with God can be done in the most bizarre of ways...I remember worshiping when I used to be washing up (the days before dishwashers!), dancing to the Lord whist hoovering and singing a new song in the car (it was there I discovered you can't drive with your hands in the air) as I was lost in His love and mercy.
Sometimes I wonder if God loves it when we are less 'set' (not less prepared). It is in those times you can barely stand up from lack of sleep, have vomit running down your leg into your shoe :-) feel bad that someone else is having to hold your little one that you cry out to God for help! If that's what influences your set list, then I am grateful as there must be a million other people feeling the same way from all manner of things. He is and always will be there but as we grow more confident and more experienced we are sometimes like the toddler who elbows out and wriggles away 'coz we can do it'.
When I sing with parents and their babies I can't help but melt when I see them look in each other faces. It's the perfect picture of us and God! Kids are amazing, resourceful, creative and genuine and your baby will inspire your creativity in ways you can't even imagine.
Lastly, it's a toughie, but I have had to learn to say no sometimes - just for a season.
You are doing an AMAZING job as a new mum....and your worship just might take on a new unexpected perspective.
GOd bless you nikki!
lexs blog recently on a similar subject would be helpful to you i think.
its v hard balancing everything, i think we need to encourage each other to be better parents than worship leaders sometimes.
so we dont write songs for a while or maybe lead worship less, but we spend time with our kids and spouse more, in the long run that could be a more GOdly approach perhaps?
Gav.
My pastor said to me to 'learn to distinguish between the vital and the important'...
Thank you so much! I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old and I just recently joined a team as the leader of music, including tech arts and I have been feeling a little overwhelmed wondering, "What have I gotten myself into?!?!?" Even as I was reading this I heard the sounds of my 2-year-old splashing in the toilet :) But, this was so encouraging...and convicting! It's not in my own strength, but by His Spirit. I know what I have been called to do, and He will use me if I submit myself to Him. We have to always remember that whether we know it or not, we are setting an example for our children, and being willing to serve in ministry despite its difficulties teaches them a great lesson.
Thank you for allowing God to speak through you...and sing through you :)
~Laura
Wow! Thank you for your refreshing honesty. As a mother to a gorgeous baby boy who is nearly 7 month old I totally identify with everything you have said and now feel so much better that it is not just me who worries about whether or not I can do it all! I am blessed to be part of the worship band at my church and I too have stood up the front on a Sunday and thought wow, how can God use me when I feel so unprepared? How foolish am I to underestimate our God's greatness...I am so thankful for his grace and love in my life! Thank you for encouraging me as a new mum and I pray that we will be able to use our new found knowledge to empower other mums in the future.
A brilliantly honest blog Nikki. I think the truth is many of us feel we have juggle the responsibilities of ministry and family, but what an awesome priviledge it is.
My tip is to try and get the children involved as much as possible. My children have grown up with me in the worship team. When their really young its amazing how a guitar tuner with flashing lights makes them smile, by the time they hit 18 months they help strum the guitar. My oldest (10) has become a bit of an expert at tuning my guitar and setting it up, he's also been playing drums since the age of 3 and is starting to play a little with the worship team.
This week I had extra help with my set list from my 7 year old who is always happy to tell me what songs he thinks we should sing more of, or what he's sick of hearing.
The secret is to be honest with them, to include them as much as possible, and invest in them. There is nothing that will make you cry more than hearing your children upstairs having their own worship time.
Also make sure you and your partner are in a good place, that you're supporting each other, and that they know just how grateful you are for all they do.
“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”.......................Brilliant.
Nikki! I am so thankful to have tumbled upon your blog! So encouraging! I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!! As a new mother of a now 11 month old and as a worship leader, I can totally relate! Boy was it rough in the beginning (returning to leading worship) and even now! But I have to express that nothing beats leading worship and looking into the congregation and seeing my little baby girl raising her hands and by what it seems, praising our Creator! We def. cannot do it all! But thank God that by His strength.. and grace... we can can get most things accomplished haha.
Continual blessings on your new adventures of mommyhood!
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I don’t have kids, so I couldn’t offer any tips to help you and your family! With that in mind, I’d jokingly suggest the Wiggles, it seems kids are thoroughly pacified by strange guys dancing around in colorful shirts. :)
But, I’m also coming to learn the same principles of time apply to me. It is easy to think that if I just applied myself more, or better, then my impact for Christ via musical worship would be greater. (i.e. wrote more songs, made a CD, mentored someone… etc. etc.) Its nice to sometimes lead a worship set and find God still works wonders when I feel I have so very little to offer. I always love to be reminded of that because I easily and often forget; thanks for the blog post.
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